also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
