my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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