Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
