Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Quick, to the slutcave!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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