so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
