It's Friday. Sex?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
