this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
