I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
