Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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