Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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