I'm going to jail i love you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
