hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
