You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
