toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
