hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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