Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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