This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
