dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
