you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
