i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
