3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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