You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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