and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize