Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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