and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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