she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
