when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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