Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize