Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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