ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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