True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
