We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
