life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
