I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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