We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
