Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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