She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
