Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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