be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I could fuck to npr.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
why is half of my head shaved?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize