You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
