She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
