best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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