I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
