I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
