I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
