I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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