First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
