so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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