woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
