OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
