yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
