based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
