You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
