Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
