Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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