I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
