I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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