What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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