the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize