I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
