Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
