Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
