I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I pour the whiskey from now on
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
