he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
