Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this will be a night to untag.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize