I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
