all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
