fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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