Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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