So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We got so high we made milksteak
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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