I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
